Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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