i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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