It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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