Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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