I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
