tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
