R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
