So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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