Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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