And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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