Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
