what if every blade of grass was a penis?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
