I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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