first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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