my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
