There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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