Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
