he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
