party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
