I feel like abortions should bother me more
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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