if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
