he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
