I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
