Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
