You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
