ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
