There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
