It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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