I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
