Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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