The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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