Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
