He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
