My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
