No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
