Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
