So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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