I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so that wasnt chicken after all
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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