Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
