literally had 100 drinks last night.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
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i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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