Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
