She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
