STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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