did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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