That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize