Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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