You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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