he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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