Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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