No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
