The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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