i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
