Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
