That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
