No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
