I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
