hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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