I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
