We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
