um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
