she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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