can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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