just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
