My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
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You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
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If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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