Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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