I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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