i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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