Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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