Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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