i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
