If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
